Addiction
by Dorthey Star
Summary: [complete] Hermione struggles through addictions to drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, and Jay. Draco is her rock and her strength and he sees the pleas she sends to her family and friends who are blind to her suffering. DHr. R for drug use.


Addiction

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Dorthey Star

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_I do it for the drugs_

_I do it just to feel alive_

_I do it for the love_

That I get from the bottom of a bottle 

_-"Bottom of a Bottle" Smile Empty Soul_

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My parents were furious, as I knew they would be. They were disappointed, too. I should have been angry. After all, they were taking all the fun out of my life. There would be no more parties, no more boyfriends, and no more social life. I wasn't angry about that, though. I was angry it had taken them so long to notice, but I was relieved that they finally _did _notice. I didn't know how much longer I was going to be able to keep up this life. 

Sixth Year at Hogwarts had taken a turn for the worse. Harry became more and more withdrawn from us while Ron set about a goal of sleeping with every girl in the school – except for me, of course. More often then not, I found myself sitting alone in the common room. Ron would be out with some random girl and Harry and Ginny would be off in the North Tower talking about death and Voldemort. They weren't a couple; neither wanted to commit to a relationship. 

Christmas of Sixth Year was when it all started. It was innocent enough. My Grandpapa had left his cigarette in the tray, still lit. I was curious, so I finished it off. I was addicted after that. Summer after my Sixth Year caused it to get worse. I started going out at night, to clubs, and getting drunk. Luckily I didn't sleep with a different guy every night. No, I found one. Jay was his name. I told my parents that I was friends with his sister, June, whom he lived with. We would go to the club, get stone pissed, and then go to his house and fuck. It was innocent enough, I suppose. 

When I went back to Hogwarts for my Seventh Year, I would sneak out and apparate to his house so that we could go through our routine. I was setting a bad example as Head Girl by doing so, but I was addicted to Jay. He was like a drug. He was intoxicating and made me forget everything else but him. I couldn't get enough. It got even worse that Christmas. Jay introduced me to drugs. We would go to clubs, skip the drinks, and do the drugs. We still fucked and I still stayed at his house all the time. My parents were pleased that I had a nice Muggle girlfriend that I was spending so much time with. June didn't mind me using her; Eric was "staying the night" with Jay. 

When I went back to school, I went through major drug withdraws. With N.E.W.T.s just around the corner, I forced myself to limit my seeing Jay to three times a week. Sometimes he would send some stuff back with me, but it would never tide me over until the next with him. 

That's about the time Draco started noticing me. He was Head Boy and spent a lot of time with me. He noticed me getting jumpier during the day and having huge bags under my eyes. I would eat all the time, but it seemed that all I ever did was lose weight. He started to ask me if I was all right. At first I would just laugh it off…but then I started to realize that he really did care. 

"Granger," he sighed as he sat down at my table in the common room we shared. I jumped nearly a foot in the air. 

"God, Malfoy, don't do that," I grumbled and tried to blink the sleep out of my eyes. 

"What's up with you? You don't ever gain weight, you only lose it, you never seem to sleep, and you're jumpy as hell," he said, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms, still looking intently at me. I laughed, as always. 

"You're a Malfoy, and as such you're not supposed to care about a stupid Mudblood." I stayed silent and, before I could stop myself, added softly, "No one else cares. Why should you? It doesn't matter if I destroy my life; it's mine to play with." 

"What did you say, Granger?" he asked, although I knew he had heard me. I gave him a cheesy smile and started to collect my books.

"Nothing, Malfoy. I'm just tired, that's all. I think I'll turn in for the night. Ta!" I called out and went up to my room. He knew. I didn't know how, but he _knew_ that I wasn't going to bed. I was going back. Jay would make me forget the hurt. Draco didn't let me go, though. He followed me and grabbed my wrist. 

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I snapped. He glared at me. 

"I'm not going to let you destroy your life, Granger," he snapped back. 

"Like hell you will! Let go of me this fucking minute!" I screamed back at him. He pulled out his wand and, before I could do anything, had said the spell for the Fully Body Bind. I glared at him as he levitated me and led me down the Hospital Wing. 

The trip to the Hospital Wing broke my addiction. I began to gain weight again. I caught up on my sleep and was able to pass my N.E.W.T.s with flying covers. I avoided Draco as much as I could, ashamed that he had to catch me at such a low point in my life. I was stunned that he had noticed. Ron, Harry, Ginny, and, hell, even my parents never noticed. I smiled for all the pictures at Graduation that June, but the smile never reached my eyes. I was only truly happy when I thought about Jay. I would be seeing him soon. 

I didn't love Jay. I liked him enough. He was my drug, my release from the real world. You don't love your drugs you just need them. The night I got home, I went straight to Jay and June's. Both were high as kites and Eric was with June. They were on the couch in the living room, snogging shamelessly, while the TV was turned to Jerry Springer with the mute on. Jay was sitting at the table, staring at the wall. He smiled at me as I walked in. 

"Hey Mynee," he said and giggled; his blue eyes alight with laughter. "Get it? Mynee, My knee?" he pointed at his knee to get the point across. I rolled my eyes, but a smile spread across my lips. I wanted this; I wanted to not have a care in the world. He knew what I wanted and pointed to the drawer under the microwave. In minutes I was high with them. 

Four times a week I would go "spend the night" with June. I suppose that's when my parents started to get suspicious. I should have been out looking for a job, but I was spending my time with June, a Muggle. That's how I ended up here, in their car, on the way to the hospital for a drug test. 

I had been with Jay at his house, getting drunk for a change, and we'd decided to go clubbing. My parents, who had been driving to June's to check up on me, I suppose, passed us as we were walking to the club. I was wearing clothes they'd never seen before, a black mini and a red sparkly tube top. I was just about to get high when they found me. Jay, June, and Eric were already high as kites. 

"Mynee, what's taking you so long?" Jay slurred as he ambled over to our table. He looked from my parents to me, and then back to my parents. My mum was crying and my dad was frowning down at me. I looked guiltily away from them. 

"We're leaving. Now," Dad said sternly, taking my arm and practically dragging me. 

"Where are you going, Mynee?" June called out from the dance floor where she'd been snogging with Eric. I gave her a wave and then was pulled out of the club by my dad. He put me in the car and slammed to the door. 

"We're going to the hospital. You're getting a drug test," dad said. Mum started crying even harder. I glared at them. "Don't you glare at me, young lady. This is _all_ your fault," he said sternly. 

"My fault? MY fault? And who's supposed to watch over me, make sure I'm happy and that I don't make mistakes? You missed _every _fucking plea for help that I gave. Everyone missed them," I screamed at him. _Draco didn't miss them,_ a voice inside my head nagged. I pushed it aside. Mum sobbed harder. 

"Oh my poor baby," she moaned. Dad ignored me and continued to the hospital. I took the test and tested positive for LSD. Mum cried harder than ever and dad just closed his eyes. The doctor asked where I wanted to go to rehab. _Rehab_. The word sounded so terrible, like I had done something terrible. Had I? I shook my head to clear the thoughts.

"We haven't decided yet," Dad said. He shook hands with the doctor and we left the hospital and headed home. A thought suddenly struck me. 

"Daddy, can I go for r-rehab at St. Mungo's? It's the wizarding hospital. I'd rather be around wizards. They have better ways of dealing with this than Muggles do," I asked. Dad considered this. 

"I'll have the Weasley's check in on you every day," he said sternly, looking at me disapprovingly through the rearview mirror.

Four days later I found myself sitting on the quilt covered bed in a white room. My belongings were folded neatly in the dresser and my books were on the shelf. I thought of Jay. I wondered what he was doing right now. _Probably getting high,_ I thought jealously. I realized this was going to do no good and sighed. I started to pick up a book to read, but was interrupted by the opening of the door. 

"Here's a new one, just came in today. You help with her as part of your training," came a voice from the hall. A large witch with big blonde hair and pink lips came into the room followed by a tall, lean man with silvery blonde hair. I looked away, ashamed. Not only had Draco Malfoy seen me at my worst _once_, he was going to see me at it again. 

"Granger," he said softly. I looked up and saw him shaking his head, looking at me in a disappointed way. I felt three inches tall. His disappointment made me feel worse than my dad's did. 

"Do you know her?" the large witch asked curiously. Draco hesitated before nodding. 

"We went to school together," he said calmly. The large witch nodded her head. 

"Good. I'll leave you two to reminisce, then," she said and left the room, snapping the door shut behind her. I looked down at the quilt again as Draco crossed the small room and sat down at the foot of the bed. 

"Again, Granger?" he sighed. I sniffed back tears. A few escaped and fell down my cheek. He conjured a handkerchief and handed it to me. 

"It's no my fault. No one noticed, other than you. They didn't tell mum and dad, and they just let me go back. They didn't see the signs," I whispered, clutching the handkerchief to my chest. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked hesitantly. I didn't answer, but continued to cry. He got off the bed and made his way to the other side of the bed and sat down next to me. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and let me cry into his shoulder. 

"No one cares, no one saw. Jay didn't even care. He just wanted some. And he got it. He probably hasn't noticed I'm gone," I sobbed. "No one cares…no one cares…" Draco ran his hand soothingly over my back. 

"God, Granger, how can you say no one cares? Why do you think I've chosen this profession?" he said, sighing. I looked up at him, wiping the tears away with his handkerchief. 

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I knew you'd get back into it. You can't truly be sober and clean unless you want to be and you sure as hell didn't want to be. I helped you once, and I'm going to help you again. I care for you, Granger." He said this last sentence slowly, as if I was a five-year-old. I just stared at him. The door opened again. The large witch was back. 

"Oh good. That's the first time she's moved since her family left. Come, Draco. She has visitors," the witch said. Draco squeezed my shoulder and left the room. Harry, Ginny, and Ron came into the room, all looking very uncomfortable. Ginny burst into tears when she saw me. I looked away, willing the earth to swallow them up and to leave me by myself. 

"Hermione…" Harry sighed softly, sounding disappointed. I closed my eyes tears streaming down my cheeks. 

"Why?" Ron croaked as they sat down in two chairs by my bed. Ginny sat down on the bed next to me and threw her arms around my neck. I shook my head, unable to say anything. 

"How long?" Harry asked. I took a deep breath. 

"Christmas of Sixth Year," I whispered. Ginny pulled away from me, a shocked expression on her face. 

"You've been on drugs for nearly two years?" she asked, gaping. I shook my head violently. 

"I started smoking then. I started drinking the summer after Sixth Year. Christmas of Seventh Year was the drugs," I whispered. 

"Drinking? Smoking? Mum just said…" Ron stopped, unable to continue. I could tell that they couldn't wrap their minds around the concept that goody two-shoes Granger was an addict in _three_ ways. If only they knew about Jay…  
  


"Why?" Harry asked, echoing Ron's earlier question. I shook my head. No matter how much they had pushed me away, no matter how lonely or unloved they had made me feel, no matter how much they had driven me to this, I wasn't going to let them know it was their fault. 

"Life in general, I guess," I whispered quietly. The door opened again and the large witch came in. This time she came close enough that I could read her nametag, which read _Healer Donovan_. She smiled at us all with her too pink lips. 

"It's time for Miss Granger's treatment, so you need to be leaving," she said to Harry, Ginny, and Ron. They said their goodbyes to me and left. I felt very alone. 

I wasn't really alone, not really. It took me a long time to realize this. Draco would visit me twice a day. He saw me at the best of times when I would get sick, have nightmares, or go through mood swings. He stayed calm and would stay with me until I was better. 

Mrs. Weasley came every week. Once in a while she would bring Ginny with her, but Harry and Ron never came back. I think I scared them or made them feel guilty. The vindictive little voice inside my head said _good, they deserved it_, but I knew that deep down I would miss them. Our friendship was never going to be the same. 

Three agonizing months later, Healer Donovan told me the wonderful news: I was free to leave. I had grown attached to Draco. He was my rock, my strength. He was everything that Jay wasn't. I still needed Jay, but I needed Draco more.  
  
The day arrived for me to leave. My suitcases were packed and the bedding had been removed from the bed. I looked around the room, which now looked very lonely. I sighed. The door creaked open and Healer Donovan came in. 

"Ready to go, luv?" She asked me kindly, smiling proudly at me. I gave her a small smile back. 

"Just about. Is Draco around? I'd like to speak to him for a moment before I leave, if it's possible," I asked politely. I needed to thank Draco, as I should have done a long time ago. She smiled apologetically at me. 

"Sorry, luv, but he's not working today. You could always leave a message for him, if you'd like," she replied, motioning towards the reception desk that was across the hall. I thought about it for a minute before sighing and shaking my head. A written thank you wasn't as sincere as I was looking for. 

"I'll just, er, catch him some other time or something," I said, and picked up my suitcases. She nodded at me. 

"I'll tell him you asked after him. Now, luv, I don't want to see you back in this ward," she said, looking sternly at me. I looked shameful, but managed to smile all the same. 

"You won't. I promise," I said. She raised one eyebrow but didn't say anything. She just beckoned me to follow her. We filled out all of the required papers and she leaned over to hug me. 

"You're free to go, luv. Do keep in touch!" she said, smiling at me. I returned the hug and promised that I would owl her once a week to let her know how things were going. I made my way down to the entrance and left St. Mungo's. I was a little disappointed that I wasn't able to thank Draco, but my heart perked. After two years, I was finally free from the prison that was addiction. I turned to my right and started walking, slowly swinging my suitcases back and forth. My Apparation license had been revoked, and I would have to go back to the Ministry and retest for it. 

"Granger!" I heard a voice call out. My heart leapt and I turned to see Draco jogging towards me, his cheeks flushed from the combination of the cold air and running. A smile involuntarily founds its way onto my face. He stopped in front of me and leaned over, his hands resting on his knees and his head bent down as he caught his breath. 

"I asked for you before I left. I..I wanted to thank you," I said, suddenly ashamed that he'd had to see me in that condition at all. He looked up at me. 

"You're welcome. I just don't want to have to do it again," he said, a ghost of a smirk resting on his lips. I laughed softly. 

"Healer Donovan has already given me that speech," I said, grinning. He laughed. 

"Good. She's way more intimidating than I am, considering she's finished her Mean classes and I haven't yet," he said and, seeing the confused look on my face, continued. "A lot of the rehab patients ask if we take classes on how to be mean, depriving them of their life lines and everything. We just joke with them that it's part of being a healer." I laughed, feeling suddenly stupid.

"I had my moments when I wondered about that, but mostly I was relieved. I was glad someone was finally going to get me to stop. That life was too much for me; I don't know how much longer I would have lasted, to be honest," I said softly. There was an awkward silence. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he broke it. 

"Do…do you want to go get some ice-cream or tea or something?" he asked almost tentively. My lips curved into a playful smirk.

"Are you asking me out on a date, Draco Octavian Malfoy?" I asked playfully. He rolled his eyes, but took a step towards me. 

"And what if I am?" he asked softly. I took a step towards him and tilted my head up, towards his and he lowered his towards mine. 

"Then my answer would definitely be yes," I whispered and his lips captured mine in a kiss. It gave me a rush that beat any that I had gotten from the drugs. The wind seemed to blow around us and the world melted away. I seemed to be spinning off into the sky, but I didn't care. After what seemed like a million years Draco broke the kiss. We smiled at each other before he took my elbow and we headed towards the nearest ice cream parlor.   
  
In that moment, I knew my addiction was finally broken. Draco Malfoy had seen my pleas and had rescued me. Doing so had made him my reason to live, and he didn't seem to mind one bit.   

**Disclaimer:** Everything is not mine, it belongs to the wonderful J.K. Rowling, whom I'm going to tie to a chair so that she'll hurry up with the Sixth book…I mean, ummm…*looks innocent*

**Author's Note:** First of all, I'd like to say that I've never done drugs, so if any of the symptoms or whatever are incorrect, I'm just taking creative license as an author. Also, **Drugs. Are. Very. Very. Bad. **Please, if you're currently doing then, get help. If you've thought about doing them, _don't_. I live in a hicktown with a lot of druggies. Drugs are really bad. Please don't do them. [Insert name of favorite Harry Potter Character] wouldn't want you to do them. Thanks for taking the time to read my story and please, review. Feedback encourages me to write. So if you think my story sucked and you don't want me to every write anything every again, don't review, because I'll get your message loud and clear. 


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